Dude my mom stole all your condoms
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
