yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
