im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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