when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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