Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
