I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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