i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
