Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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