Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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