Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

My liver just broke up with me...

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(340): View more from US Virgin Islands

just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

(503): View more from Oregon

Succeeded.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?

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(310): View more from California

If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?

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(516): View more from New York

I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship

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(361): View more from Texas

I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."

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(218): View more from Minnesota

She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.

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