I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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