There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
