Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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