so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
