I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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