I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
