we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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