I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
