I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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