and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
