I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
