i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
