is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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