OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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