people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize