Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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