a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
