i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
