She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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