My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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