oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
