Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
