How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
