Christians are straight up FREAKS
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
