If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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