dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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