Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
