Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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