Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
