You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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