I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize