you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
