Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
