i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Never underestimate the power of titties
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
