Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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