i just sent this text using only my big toe
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
