Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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