I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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