Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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