I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
