I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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