the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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