I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
