We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
