When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
