no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
