I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
