im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
