Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
