So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
