I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
