everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
