Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Pants are for mortals
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