you traded sex for a burrito?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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