the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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