you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize